How do you control a outta control 9 yr. old girl( 3 year ago divorced home)?

My boyfriend of 2 yrs. is having trouble with his 9 year old daughter. He just received primary placement becuz their mother is an addict.(many more reasons) Anyway, the mother along with her family manipulates and brain washes her when she gets her 2 wkends a month to make her believe lies they tell. He tries to provide a stable environment with rules, proper meals, and love. The daughter gets so worked up when she doesn't get her way or spazes out by spitting on the floor, throwing things, saying negative things about herself, damaging home property etc. She threw herself into a screaming rage when my b.f. took her to the dentist to get a tooth filled. He was embarrassed. He doesn't believe in physical punishments, nor yelling. Time outs.He's at his wits end on how to handle her.(Mom acts that way as well) How do you break them of this? She is in councelling but won't talk about it anymore cuz she's afraid her mom will get into trouble and be mad at her.

How do you control a outta control 9 yr. old girl( 3 year ago divorced home)?
Go on the Dr. Phil show.
Reply:I would have the B.F start documenting EVERYTHING. For his protection and for actual evidence. The court system otherwise will only label it "hear say". I also recommend getting a tape recorder that is small enough so that the 9 year old will not know she is being recorded and keep that as evidence.


This is a form of child abuse.


If this is taken to the courts, family court is all about the children, the judge will see this mother as unfit and she may have to have supervised visitation and therapy.


Please for the kids try to help her now before she acts out and is in trouble. It is not her fault her mom is a loser.


GOOD LUCK.
Reply:usually when something like that happens, children at that age require a lot more attention. maybe her emotional needs aren't being met. ur bf needs 2 know that at a stage like this in her life she needs a lot of love and support from her father. if she spazzes out then he should come over to comfort her, and ask her if she's ok, and that he loves her.
Reply:Try to ignore her negative behavior and maybe when she's acting that way ask her whats wrong%26lt; in a nice way. Try more family outings %26lt; kids activities. Try getting her to interact with kids her own age. Buy her a diary and let her write her personal feelings in it%26lt; but the diary is personal it's not for any1 else to read except her. Keep up the disapline especially when it's aggressive. But it's important not to be negative or aggressive when disaplining her. I think she needs a female figure so maybe take her out shopping once a month? Just you and her without dad? have lunch, see a movie? Show her that even though there are rules, etc you still think about her. Ask her what she wants, needs etc. But dont spoil her. Just show her you care without wanting to know her buisness. she'll open up when she's ready. Maybe when the times right ask her does she enjoy councelling if not don't force her... ask her does she want someone to come with her... Maybe even cancel it for now?
Reply:Perhaps he should be in counseling with his daughter for a time; maybe they would be able to resolve their problems together with 3rd party guidance. At some point, she can go back to individual counseling but I think family counseling would be worthwhile.
Reply:Boot camp, believe it or not it will work. 2 weeks of that will teach her manors and discipline.
Reply:Sounds to me as if she is a very angry child. There are a lot of things in her life that she shouldn't have to deal with (mom being a drug addict, divorce). Your boyfriend should try and sit down with her and talk to her about the things that are troubling her. Maybe if he is able to get her to share what she is feeling with him she will feel listened to and secure. Just an idea.
Reply:take stuff from her,time out,not getting something she wants.sounds like hes letting her do whaever she wants.teach her the rules,whos boss and whats acceptable in your home.we are raising our granddaughter.its hard sometimes but she also knows its a certain set of rules here and she follows them or misses a weekend with her father and his family.may sound harsh but you CANNOT let her get by with everything.theres nothing wrong with him disciplining her and if he doesnt start it now,she will be out of control.a dentist can be scary,they use big needles and they hurt.try a pediatric dentist next time.main thing use some DISCIPLINE