Monday, November 16, 2009

HELP? WERE MY PARENTS bad??

my parents were too old when they had me: 41. my sisters were already 6 and 9. they both worked; a nanny was my primary mother in the very early years. they are very disorganized, four times or more they forgot i was with them and left me alone in the mall, a gas station, subway: to this day i feel a quickening in my pulse when they are late to pick me up, it is a feeling of helplessness and fear. i think it had resulted from their forgetfulness and inattentiveness in early years.


as a child, they never taught me hygiene because they were too busy. i'd go a month without bathing. i brushed my teeth only when someone told me to, as the habit was not instilled. we lived in a wealthy area where all of the mothers would gossip about us. one even called child services.


other parents were eager to help their kids in school, especially in kindergarten. mine didnt. i rarely did homework and was also disorganized.


my parents have been here physically, but i feel not mentally.

HELP? WERE MY PARENTS bad??
Sounds like they could have been better! From your profile I see you are 15, so at this age you can realize what you need to do and do it! You realize what your life is/was lacking and you don't need to let that define you. Don't dwell so much on the negative because that will only cause you to be bitter. Forgive them, and work on living your life in healthy, happy way!!
Reply:i wouldnt say your parents were bad parents. i would say that they werent responsible parents. alot of kids parents are like that, because even though they love their kids, they still dont have the time or energy to take care of them, hence my sister. dont worry about it, but if you are really feeling how you say you feel, then try getting a buddy to wait with you when they are supposed to pick you up, and talk to your parents about it as well. any problem that goes unsaid will go unresolved. your parents care, so adress the issue with them. good luck!
Reply:that's horrible yes, but at this point all you can do is be a better person for it. - use what they have "not" taught you and change the things in your life you want changed. you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. - there are a lot worse parents out there. i live in dallas now, where two weeks ago a women threw her two sons off a freeway overpass. they fought her tooth and nail because they knew what she was doing. both boys survived the fall....... - do better than your parents, you are already smarter than they are. - good luck and keep your head up!
Reply:Your parents' age had nothing to do with them being neglectful and inattentive. They would have been like that even if they'd had you in their 20s.





My grandfather was 41 when my father was born, 45 when my aunt was born. He was far from inattentive and neglectful.





My husband was 38 when our first was born, and 43 when our third was born in December. He is nothing like you described.





Your parents were not too old - they were too disorganized and distracted.
Reply:You should be thinking how lucky you are to have parents. The past will not hurt you unless you allow it to. My parents didn't care enough either but it help to make me independent. A twelve step live style helps too. ( A.A. , N.A. )
Reply:Well first of all 41 is not too old to have a child. I know many parents who are in the 40s having their first child or last child. If they stay active, then it's perfectly fine.





I wouldn't say they were bad parents, but they could have done better. Every parent could do better. I'm sorry your parents were not there for you the way they should have been.
Reply:Hopefully you became independent.
Reply:My parents were too. They were physically and mentally abusive. They spoiled our 5 sisters and dumped on us 3 boys.


They see nothing wrong with how they raised us. They still believe in beating children with hoses and utility cords.


To this day they are our greatest enemies and are not allowed to see their grandchildren.

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